Here's your answer to create that much elusive emotional bond

My husband and I have this habit of reading articles first thing in the morning whilst on the pot ( I see a lot of you nodding). He wakes up earlier and I can be sure to expect a message from him sharing interesting posts on topics that we have discussed...err argued about. It has become so routine that I am a tad angry if there is no message when I wake up.

This morning he shared an article on why we lose our friends as we grow up. The article listed multiple valid reasons but the one that caught my eye was being in a relationship. This takes me back to a time when my best friend (back then) started dating a guy when we were both 17. I was still single and I remember having to share her with her new boyfriend and not being too happy about it. Thankfully for me and unfortunately for her, she wasn't too happy with him which forced her to spend more time with me venting. She did go MIA when things were all rosy and that made me realize that I am no longer her best friend. Her dependency on me had reduced as she had found a best friend and a lover in the same guy. Of course, when she broke up with him eventually, she came running to me and I took her back happily. After a few years, she found a guy good enough to marry and I lost her forever. Little did I realize that the relationship was a just a preview to what ensued much later when she got married.

This brings me to question what exactly happened there? I knew for a fact that my friend still loved me but that was clearly not enough to hold the close bond we once shared. So if it isn't love that creates a bond, what does? The answer is co-dependency. When we are single, we put in more effort in sustaining our friendships by being there for each other. We work as hard as we would on an exam paper or losing those extra pounds. As much as we like having reliable friends, we as humans enjoy being depended upon. Being needed increases our self-worth which is indeed a great thing to have. When our close friends get married, they start depending on their significant others thereby threatening our self-worth and boom, there goes your bond bolting out of the door. We are forced to move on and go looking for the next close bond.

Co-dependency plays a huge role in a marriage too. It is common knowledge that we be there for our wives/ husbands but in our quest to being extremely independent, we forget to depend on them. Many a times, I have told my husband that he doesn't make me feel wanted but all I actually wanted was for him to need me and depend on me a lot more. Our parents had happier marriages because the roles and responsibilities were clear wherein the father brought in money and the mother took care of the kids and the household. In this very vocally "feminist nazi"era, these roles have gotten fuzzy and has thrown the whole co-dependency out of whack. We need to re-define these roles to suit our marriages and establish that much needed emotional bond. This article has been an eye-opener and I'll be sure to articulate myself better when we get into one of those "you don't want me anymore" arguments.

Note to self: Instead of saying "you don't want me anymore",  I am gonna ask "How have I made a difference to your life?" and I know for a fact that he will not run and hide :).